All I want for Christmas

I wish people would stop asking what I want for Christmas… surely it’s obvious the same thing that I’ve wanted for the last 2 years.  I literally cannot think of anything else that I want or need, sad isn’t it? Obviously I have racked my brains to come up with a more socially acceptable answer than the rather sad “just a baby” response, but it’s hard I have to admit.

3 years ago we had the best Christmas present ever a positive pregnancy test the week before Christmas, that Christmas seemed perfect, full of secret smiles between each other as it was too early to share our news, full of dreams of what next Christmas would be like and how exciting that would be.

2 years ago Christmas was bad, we had just had our 3rd pregnancy end.   My cousin got married the week before Christmas that was when we were supposed to be able to share our news, that Christmas was sad because we should have been announcing that we had finally got past the magic 12 weeks and our dream was getting closer.

Last Christmas seemed to be full of discussions about what 2011 would bring, we had just got our infertility diagnosis.  In some ways it was more hopeful as we were going to do something.

So this Christmas, we missed fitting in a cycle before Christmas by 1 day, which in some ways I am pleased about as I was worried I would be rushed through or we would have to abandon our cycle if I was slow to respond or something.  On the other hand it means that we spend another Christmas being able to eat and drink what we want, stay up and out as late as we like, we don’t have to worry about baby sitters, or being too tired to go out, life does not need military planning, yes it’s all good except it doesn’t feel good.   Oh well at least I can numb the pain with alcohol!

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About thebarrenyears

I'm a 30 something girl trying and failing to get pregnant.
This entry was posted in About me, miscarriage and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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