Back last year whilst browsing the internet I came across a competition asking people to blog starting with the sentence Infertility is….. I started writing a post and then life got in the way and didn’t get back to it in time to enter. I thought today was as good a day as any to revisit what I had started, but because the competition is over I don’t have to follow the rules, not that I can remember what they were anyway!
When I started to think about what infertility is I immediately came up with a list of negative things, obviously no one would choose to be infertile but if you think about every cloud having a silver lining I got to thinking about some of the things that being infertile means, and surprisingly it’s not all bad. So here’s my thoughts on what being infertile beings to the table.
1) Having great time management skills… Think about this – how many times have you managed to re-arrange your day to ensure you’ve had sex at the relevant point of the month? Juggled your calendars to ensure the deed happens? Ok so it’s not an example you may use at a job interview but I bet it’s a transferable skill. It also has taught me that the world doesn’t stop if I leave work early, or don’t go out when invited and hey 20 mins seeing Villa Boy before he goes off to work for the night is good for our relationship!
2) Being focussed…. Again not one that you’d use in a job interview but you know what you are aiming for and have a clear idea of getting there. Better still you don’t lose sight of it and keep going, regardless of what happens.
3) Having great organisational skills – like the diary planning, organisational skills come to the forefront when trying to hold down a full time job and manage short notice appointments, get 2nd opinions, relax, not stress, book acupuncture, take the right drugs at the right time etc etc oh and have sex at the right time, you know just in case the old fashioned way works!
4) Being optimistic I know I sound like a broken record but we get told the odds and yet still we keep hoping, optimism is a good character trait. Before this I would have thought I was a glass half empty kinda girl, but turns out deep down I am a glass half full girl, surely this makes life in general a much happier place.
5) Keeping the brain alive – I would not be as interested in, or have the huge knowledge I have on the reproductive system, immune system, chromosome issues, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, nutrition, exercise and so I could go on. Knowledge is power and I have enjoyed researching and learning, shame it’s not really dinner party conversation subject! However I like to think my knowledge has assisted friends when needed both in real life and the ones that live in the computer.
6) Trying new things I am so much more
gullible sorry open minded on alternative therapies. I would never have guessed that I am a spiritual person but the whole mind, body connection I really get.
7) Learning how great your partner is, well they say what doesn’t break you makes you stronger and you know what it’s true Villa Boy and I aren’t love’s young dream, we don’t really do romance but this journey has made me (and him) realise that as a couple we rock. We are a true partnership, we are on the same page and we know where we’re going. I sometimes worry we don’t discuss it enough, much to his amusement and he’s right when he says we don’t need to as we just know what we are doing. I couldn’t do this without him, and not just because of the obvious reason!!
8) Appreciating family – our families have been amazing throughout this journey, in different ways. For example my relationship with my sister is certainly improved as she has been another absolute star in supporting me.
9) Defining friendships, OK so those you thought you would be there might have scarpered faster than a fast thing, but those that previously were acquaintances never cease to amaze me with their support.
10) Never complaining about lack of sex….. No really this is a good thing when you are late 30s and in a long term relationship!!!
So there you have it infertility is all those bad things we know it is, but it can also bring benefits that help in life in general and sometimes it’s good to just take a bit of time to think about some of the positive changes it has bought to your life. It doesn’t make it better, it doesn’t make it easier but somehow it makes it slightly better if I feel it has bought some positive things to my life.